156
It seems the simplest thing is made confusing.
We yearn for affluence and the finer things of life.
Along the way we picked up bad habits.
It was more fun when we played in fields of straw.
Our playing fields are gone forever.
Now we play on concrete and the damage is great.
Where is clarity and singularity of voice?
If we are to escape the darkness, we must do it alone.
How can that be?
We must live without ostentation.
157
Have you read the Koran?
No. Should I?
A glance wouldn’t hurt but not so the Bible. A glance would hurt terribly.
That explains a lot.
158
What was Nazareth like?
It was a place where carpenters were kept busy.
Busy doing what?
Building subdivisions for the Lord.
159
Joan of Arc got burned at the stake.
She was protecting the virginity of France against the English rapists.
But France herself is a whore.
Maybe, but she’s sincere.
160
Voltaire chose reason over faith.
He thought reason superior.
No, he thought himself superior.
To what?
To mankind.
161
Our friends have deserted us.
Rats are leaving the sinking ship.
But we are yet afloat.
Our heads may be above water, but the sea has already claimed us. Our destiny is at the bottom of the ocean.
How long do we have?
Until the sharks get hungry.
162
You don’t travel much, do you?
Only as far as my feet or the backside of a donkey will take me.
Don’t you yearn for foreign adventures?
Not really. I’ve seen the world in a multitude of forms and the present one is somewhat subdued.
Varieties of gray?
Without visual sharpness, but still there is pain.
163
How many plans to destroy the world are running concurrently?
Forty-seven million, three hundred and twenty-five thousand, give or take a few thousand. The chances of success are as follows: political, 0.0001%, religious, 0.0003%, genuine certified nutcases, 0.00008%.
Thank God for the new math.
164
How much time do you think we have?
Just enough, if all goes as planned.
Any chance it won’t?
No.
165
What’s the source of your discontent?
I think I’ve overdone it a little bit with the wives and concubines. 6 of the former and 17 of the latter are more than enough for any man.
What’s a prophet to do?
I think I need to rewrite certain portions of the Holy Book.
166
Welcome to the Center of Harbinger Research.
What is that you do?
We predict the probability ratios of predictions.
How close are your predictions to reality?
100%.
How’s that possible?
We change reality to fit our predictions.
167
Have you ever thought about running for office?
I contemplated the position of dogcatcher once. But I decided against it.
Why was that?
I realized my anti-war record would be used against me. They’d say I was too soft on the Romans.
Were you?
I felt sorry for them. They bit off a lot more than they could chew.
168
I’m going to Argentina.
Why?
Because it’s crying for me.
169
Who are the arbiters of truth?
There are none.
How do we know truth?
We don’t.
170
I feel like I’m inside a Black Hole.
Isn’t that where all the sides have collapsed and there’s nothing but darkness?
No, that’s too optimistic.
171
Where have you been?
Haiti.
What the hell were you doing there?
Working on my French and observing life at close range.
How was it?
My French is better but I’ve decided I prefer observing life from faraway.
172
The bride and groom have gone away.
Where have they gone?
On their honeymoon.
How long will it last?
Not long because it’s flowing backwards.
173
How much retrospection is needed to understand the dynamics of human interaction?
For every minute of living you need about 15 minutes of retrospection.
So for every four minutes of living we need about an hour of retrospection?
That’s right.
What’s the formula for introspection?
30 to 1.
How about reflection?
1 to 1.
That’s surprising.
It shouldn’t be as long if you have a good mirror.
174
Here we are beneath the vast canopy.
Listening to talk radio.
It’s a wonderful world, isn’t it?
No, but it has its moments.
GO to UNIt X
